Thursday, August 26, 2010

Top Five Guilty Pleasure Songs (Joe's Picks)

5)  Miley Cyrus - See You Again
I do not watch Hannah Montana.  Please do not assume so because I like this song so much.  “The last time I freaked out, I just kept looking down…” is a chours that is always upbeat.  It’s one of those tunes where you feel like jumping up and down (yes, I have before) and quasi-fist pumping.  Please refrain from calling me names such as “pedophile” and “creepy” it is a good song and you should give it a try.   

4)  Sean Kingston – Take you there


I chose this song because the lyrics are so awful that I like to listen to them for amusement purposes.  I actually stooped so low as to buy it from iTunes as opposed to illegally downloading it (what an impulse buy).  Sean talks about how he can take a girl “to the slums where the killers get hung”.  Let me tell you one thing, who in their right mind would actually want to go see that?  I like to relax on my vacations, no watch someone lose their life.  He thinks that since he is from Jamaica by “taking you there” no one is going to try to attack you?  They are called the slums for a reason Sean!  People will do anything regardless who you are.  And by the way, your loaded, why wouldn’t someone want to jump you (oh, I forgot because your from there… IDIOT).  Why would you even offer someone to go to the slums?  I once went to Tampa with my family and drove through the projects at night.  I was scared shitless.  For the first time in my life, I was the minority and let me tell you I didn’t like it.  Four white tourists trying to find the freeway.  The doors were locked and I still didn’t feel safe (last time I checked, bullets can penetrate locked doors).  So Sean, stick to the good parts of the Island please, and realize I only like your song because of how stupid the chorus is.    

3)  Ricky Martin – Cup of Life

There is something about this song where I just can’t let it go.  Is it because it was written by Ricky Martin (possibly), is it because it came out when I was rather young (yes), or is it because it was the anthem to the FIFA World Cup? (God no, Soccer sucks) This song just keeps me entertained with its “Ale, Ale, Ale” chorus.  It keeps me going with it’s fast pace.  

Also, I like to listen to it when I work out (and when I am not)… “Push it along, gotta be strong, push it along, right to the top!” Call me what you want, but Ricky Martin knows how to bring it.  Some guys enjoy heavy metal, some enjoy nothing, but I prefer the song written by a person that no one has heard from in years.  I didn’t choose “Living La Vida Loca” because it was such a huge song and too cliché.  I also like it because I can seem like I know Spanish.  Do I?  Absolutely not, but I try my best and probably get every word wrong (song makes me seem bilingual).  So congrats “Cup of Life” I do “really want it” every time I listen to it when no one is around.    


2) Fergie - Big Girls Don’t Cry

This song actually has a story behind it, however you need to see the music video to understand.  The fact that I can sing the entire song makes me feel more worthless than I already am  “I hope you know, I hope you know that this has nothing to do with you…” is a catchy chorus that keeps me entertained.  The lyrics flow, however, this is Fergie (no one should like her music unless she is with the Black Eyed Peas).  She is a horrible singer and she is not good looking at all.  I mean I tried to find her attractive, but I got nothing, not even a tingle.  The beginning of the music video shows her in her underwear, please put some pants on!  Not only do I know the lyrics, I get into it.  When it is on, you can see me swaying my head back and forth as I lip sync to awful, awful song (however, I always hope no one is looking).

I should not like this song.  Why should a guy sing Big Girls Don’t Cry?  There is no excuse for me singing this song when it comes on.  Not only would I listen to it on XM at work, I would replay it at least twice.  While typing right now, I am lip sinking to this shit.  Go ahead judge me….  

1)  Madonna - Just Like a Prayer


Look, it’s Madonna, enough said.  I actually blast this song when no one is around and I have been doing this for years.  I know I am not the only one who likes it; I just may be the only male to admit it.   The lyrics speak for themselves…However, I just discovered the music video does not. (which is a reason that it is number one) 

Lets begin with a woman getting stabbed by a group of white males and then dying (bet you didn’t think that was going to be included).  Oh, it gets better… A poor African American tries to help her out after the group flees, but actually gets arrested for the crime (the police conveniently show up).  No blood on him, no questions asked just taken into custody.  So what does Madonna do?  Touch a statue of a black man and watch it come to life.  This has to be one of the dumbest things I have ever seen, what’s the point?  There isn’t one.

 Since we are discussing guilty pleasures why not mention something that only my ex roommate knows…Madonna proceeds into an all black Church and begins singing with the choir.   God do I want to do this!  Find one of those old fashion churches where you get to wear robes and rock to gospel music.  Sway to the left, (Clap) sway to the right (clap).  No one will judge me as long as I am preaching God’s good word!  I also want to get down and just dance.  If I was to try that at my Church I would be looked at funny, but not at an African American Church. I would actually feel like I fit in.  Also, I would go every week, but there is no such Church in this area.  Admitting you love the song is one thing, but to say you think the music video is amazing, is something that you should keep to yourself and enjoy alone. There are crosses burning in the backround, am I supposed to like this music video or repent my sins after watching it? Either way it is my number one guilty pleasure.

Oh, and by the way I don’t care how old Madonna is, I would still bang her before Fergie.


- Joe        

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